Mental Health: Keeping Still and Moving Forward
To give you a little backstory, on January 20, 2009, I woke up feeling “off.” It felt like hardness and sand were running through my veins. I couldn’t catch my breath, and having experienced heart events before, I knew it was time for the emergency room. Even my outdated Nitro didn’t work. My wife rushed me there, and it was such an uncomfortable sensation—not quite pain, but definitely pain. It’s a strange feeling to describe.
Long story short, my cardiologist happened to be in the hospital that morning for scheduled angioplasties. I got rolled in ahead of everyone else. I remember asking him why I was being treated like a VIP, and he simply said, “Well, Mark, you’re having a heart attack in the lower part of your heart, and we’re going to go fix that.” And they did. They placed a stent and I had some relief – finally. Problem was, after my first stent in 2002 i thought I was fixed and that I could go back to being my old, unhealthy self.
“Problem was, after my first stent in 2002 I thought I was fixed and that I could go back to being my old, unhealthy self.”
Off and on for the next 16 years, I’ve been in and out of cath labs. I’ve traveled to have my right coronary artery worked on, and even today, there is a “bad spot” where oxygen isn’t reaching. Remarkably, my body is trying to grow “collateral” arteries to compensate. It takes a toll. I’m grateful that I’m not working now because scheduling all of this while holding down a job was incredibly difficult, though I was lucky to have an employer who supported my treatments back then.
Again, it is okay to talk to a neutral third party who can help you mentally process these physical traumas. My cardiologists make great recommendations, but a therapist helps me deal with the “right now.” I’ll close with this: it’s okay to laugh and cry. It’s okay to write down how you feel, even if it’s just for yourself. I used to say I had a lot of health problems. Now, I say I have a lot of health problems that have been repaired. I have been fixed, and now I must maintain a different lifestyle and a different body.
Don’t forget to take care of your mental health; it’s just as vital as diet and exercise. If you get confused by all the lifestyle suggestions thrown your way, question them. Find a therapist—many take insurance—and bounce those recommendations off them.
This website is what keeps me sane right now; it gives me something positive to do and keeps me aware of my physical, mental, and spiritual presence.
Peace be with you on your journey, and thanks for visiting.
-Mark
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Psychology Today ‘Find a Therapist’
American Heart Association Support Network
